It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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