i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
