I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
