i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize