Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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