I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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