i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
