He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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