i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
zippers are such a cool invention
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dick very happy bro
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
