Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
