I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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