some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
