He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
