i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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