Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
