Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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