I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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