wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
