ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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