I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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