The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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