my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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