i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
