Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
