Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
