i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
