very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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