Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
