Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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