I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
