my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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