I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
