none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
