1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So many bounce houses so little time
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
