wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
