He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
