I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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