Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
tequila makes me forget i have legs
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
