woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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