get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
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My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
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I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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