I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
