There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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