Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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