I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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