cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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