my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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