I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
