A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
