You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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