hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Randomize
