What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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