Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
