I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
