It's like a parade of train wrecks.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
