dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I love having hate sex.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
