Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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