I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
