hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
