just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
