I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
