Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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