The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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