I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
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You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
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I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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