I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
