the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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