At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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