Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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