I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
