i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
