Heybabeimwearingurpanties
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
